The thing about making a conscious decision to love someone rather than “falling in love” is that you’re in control. So much in control that if that person no longer aligns with your values in a lover that you can decide to no longer engage in that commitment to them. It sounds rather fickle, but I think it’s the other side of a raw deal.
I gave him two years and the last round I really tried you know? I was patient, intentional, gracious, forgiving, understanding, giving and then some. All of those things I think equate to love. More than anything, I committed after he initiated. How do you tell me you love me and then do everything but?
My get out of jail free card was him giving me his ass to kiss. Let me brief you on how the breakup went. One hour: “Babe, I love you…. thank you for being so supportive… idk what i’d do without you….” and then three hours later “this whole thing stupid and before i let (your genuine concern) ruin what i got going on or my peace, this shit is what it is”. And it literally was what it was.
Rewinding it back a little just to add more texture to the story, closing out our second year in the last quarter, he was blessed with a tv interview, his personal endeavors bearing fruit, AND a promotion. The promotion which was a step toward what he wanted when we first met. Literally he was one step away… and right after getting those 3 wins back to back, he walked away from me as if I had become the biggest pain in his ass. As if, my needing one thing was too much of an ask for him. What I needed was to be loved well in a nutshell. Anyway… One thing I don’t do is chase anyone that walks away from me because if you don’t want to be here, I’ll never force you. You’ll always be free with me.
Long story short, 6 weeks after we breakup, he lost his job (due to arrogance) and that promotion which was the most important thing to him. His career and his goals. I didn’t want him to lose his job but, listen, if “God don’t play about me” was a person… this was the defining moment. I didn’t retaliate, I didn’t wish him harm, I didn’t try to get my lick back because I was hurt… I simply just chalked it up to the game and kept it pushing. Now he’s having to rebuild and who knows how long it will take him to get back where he was not to mention ahead.
I’m not saying that I bring favor to your life, but the bible doesssssss say “a man that finds A wife, finds a good thing”. Whether or not she’s your wife is up to you, but a wife is a wife at the end of the day. Alright… that’s all ima say on that.
Back to being “loved”. Now at thirty one, (I know it’s been a while… hiii. i’m back), I accept that I’m an easy person to love. Every time a man confesses his love for me, I no longer doubt that he thinks he does… because I’m a great person to love. It makes sense every time I hear it because it’s easy to love me… but the consistent challenge is that they don’t have the capacity to love me well.
That’s the goal. To be loved well. So friends, don’t allow your guard to fall when you hear the words “i love you”. Wait until you feel the actions of being loved well, because to be loved is not enough.
I guess we can blame relational inflation.