So... I was in the mood yesterday to rewatch the last 4 seasons of A Different World. I didn't really care for the first two seasons but I think that's because I wasn't interested in Dwanye and Denise. (Sorry...). One of the biggest controversies around this show is the moment Dwayne interrupts the wedding to get Whitley back...
It's always been a "YESSSS GO HEAD GO HEAD!" moment for me but maybe I'm slightly toxic and a hopeful romantic. Please, confess your love for me and don't let me get away lol. Fight for me okay?! But some people that have since rewatched the show in their 20s, 30s, 40s etc have taken that moment and called out its toxicity and said Whitley should've never gotten back with him because it took losing her for him to "act right".
I don't have an opinion on it I don't think. Better late than never? I don't know. If it's meant to be then it will always be. But what I do want to dissect is Dwayne and Whitley's dynamic. From where I was sitting, it came off as if Whitley was relationally unavailable. I know the world typically focuses on emotional unavailable partners but I think that's just one part of being relationally unavailable. Sometimes, we are also physically unavailable (I've been guilty).
Now granted, my physical unavailability is not like most. Y’all be unavailable because you're healing, overcoming your demons, or literally still sleeping with them but for me, there were moments where I just could not show up at any given moment... and while this is not my current state, my twenties had them. But I also think I had these moments with men I really wasn’t interested in, so there's that. BECAUSE WHEN PAPI CALLS? TRUST AND BELIEVE I'M GOING TO MAKE MY WAY WHERE EVER HE IS. Lol, you said it's 7:30am and to come where? Okay, Karter catch the bus to school. Lmao. Nah I'm joking, but we will definitely be first in the driveline because babe said to come on so I'm going to get there.
Gosh, maybe I am a terrible mother. Just out here trying to balance motherhood and being in these streets. Okay, no seriously. I'm a great mom and I'm not in these streets. But you know what I mean.
Anyway, back to Dwayne and Whitley. I just feel like she was relationally unavailable to him. I think he was trying to pursue her but she wasn't budging after going a little deeper with him and discovering the components she was looking for were undeveloped in him. Maybe intuitively she knew he wasn't prepared for her so that added to her reservations. Either way, I thought I saw multiple moments where she just wasn't available to him. There were also moments when she was ready and he was playing around with Kinu. They both had moments when they weren’t available but currently, I’m starting to wonder if I’m Kinu or Byron… wanting to be in the seat of Dwayne and Whitley in this particular story, but on the surface, maybe I’m Kinu… or in reality I might be Byron. When we know what we know and still try to see past it to see what it could be might be the reason we miss what it is.
But the Dwayne Whitley dynamic got me thinking... a piece of being relationally unavailable is shying away from what you want. Talk about accountability? I'm worn out again because I have been coming into these relationships, specifically the last two, unavailable trying to push them to be available first. I seriously asked Jesus last week like, why do I keep finidng myself connected to unavailable. And then processing yesterday, I think it's because I keep showing up that way. I mean I'm mostly available but I have some areas I can work on.
I think the biggest hinderance right now is shying away from the relationship word. Idk why I do it but I always do. I try to avoid saying the word when talking to my male friends because I don't want to trigger them or scare them away. So stupid I know, but I will dance around that word as best I can. I'll say things like friendship...
A part of it is also, thinking I want to be in a relationship but then fearing I might get into it and find myself stuck to a bad investment. Once I commit to something, it’s hard for me to walk away and not exhaust myself in trying to make it work. It would hurt me to tell a man I want something from him and then he tries to give it to me and it not be good… both relationally and intimately. I’ve been on the end of “how you bother me first then waste my time” and because I know how that feels, I don’t want to be that villain in anyone’s story.
Anyway… I’ll keep working on it. Currently… I don’t think I passed the test, but now that I’m revising this, next time for sure I’ll get it right. *Sigh*