I did something today that was… progressive for me. it was scary… or at least everything that fell from the sky after I logged off felt that way. Processing is becoming more intense the older I get. I’m not sure what’s happening with time right here lately, but everything seems to be coming back-to-back for me. There is always something for me to feel, understand, and synthesize. I would say it’s overwhelming but maybe in a good way. I feel blessed in a way to be so in tune with life. Aerosmith said, “I don’t wanna miss a thing” and yeah, I don’t. The good things, the hurtful things, the surprising things, the hard things. I don’t want to let any more emotions, feelings, and memories slip through my fingers. Maybe it’s the coming-of-age thing but I’m starting to truly value the moments. I might be late to the party but nevertheless I’m here.
I also realized one of the shifts I’m in is moving into a new decade of life. I can now say, I was a best-selling author by age 30. Isn’t that wild? Whether or not millions of people know my name, I hit a milestone and became a best-selling author. I think that’s amazing for me. Going into my new decade, I’m reflective. I’ve done some truly crazy and dope things. I’ve gone viral, accomplished almost all my personal and professional goals, obtained a master’s degree, published three books, visited some beautiful places, met some really cool people… not to mention before I complete year thirty, I may have my face on the channel Starz. I also managed to raise an amazingly dope kid. Nine years so far and I don’t think I’ve traumatized him. He’s been afforded some wonderful opportunities and I’ve done that as a single parent. My village has been extremely supportive, but without the most important piece, I’ve managed well. I still have nine months left before my 30th year is complete. What else will God do to jumpstart the new phase of life?
I’ve pivoted within my career and one way or another, I will be beginning something new. My prayer is that 30 begins with an annual $20k + increase and more creative opportunities to really do this bgv thing. Idk man. I’ve lost a lot in my 20s. Jesus, I’ve grown so much but I shedded a lot along the way. I can’t tell you how hard and how much I’ve grieved things and people. I sowed a lot of tears and I think this next decade I’m going to reap more joy than tears. It’s like I’m excited but man, I’m scared.
Navigating this next decade is so much more than finding my way through thirty. I always wonder what else is there? I pray God continues to blow my mind with the highs and is always there to hold my hand through the lows. I want to love harder, love more open, and love freely. I can’t wait to walk into this next version of who He’s destined me to be. I have some chapters that had endings that didn’t make sense to me then, and I’m hoping now is when I get to understand.
I want to remember this moment… what a time to be alive.