“Men, if she like you, she gone invest… and vice versa” – j. sheppard
The question I then posed was, lol are you investing in me? with an unalarming side eye. The building block for honesty went like this:
“I can”
I know you “can” too, but “are” was the question and “am” is definitive…. “Can” leaves it up in the air. But when or if you make your decision, you’ll let me know. I won’t press it.
“I respect that”
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I respect you too.
With the signal of I still accept you in the form of an eye roll and a kiss to set the tone of regardless what happens and no matter how hard or intense it may be, transparency and vulnerability are valued here. Safe spaces are cultivated and regardless if it’s secured, I want my relationships to be safe.
So… here we are present moment. How did I manage? I’m overly analytical so that “I can” played with me. I dissected it and tried to synthesize it (hindsight, maybe I should’ve just stuck with analyzing it, but I’ll give you the summary later). What I got was on one end of the spectrum, worst case scenario, you didn’t want to give me a direct no because rejecting someone is never an easy thing to do when you know they’re a good quality person. So, “I can” was an indirect “no, I’m not investing in you which means no, I guess I don’t like you as much as we thought”. Which furthermore leads to, I don’t like you, but I like the benefits of coloring with you. (That’s sobering). The other synthesis (best case scenario), “I can” means there is a part of you that is willing and maybe would like to. “I can” meaning you haven’t given into that part, or it hasn’t taken over the rest of you to result in you making the conscious effort to invest in me… or truly acknowledge that you do like me beyond my creativity.
Either way you synthesize it, analytically it’s still an indirect no because it wasn’t a clear yes. Maybe that’s the lesson I’m supposed to apply here. I wrote in my book about how a lot of times people are in these relationships that leave them “foggy” or unclear about what it really is. You know the situationships where we act like we together but as soon as something you do doesn’t align with what I thought, you hit me with the “but we not together” type thing? That’s what I mean when I say foggy. Don’t let anyone sell you a dream and don’t you sell yourself one either. Now, a vision? I might would allow you to accept that because with a vision comes a plan.
Anyway, getting away from my shameless plug, maybe the lesson I’m supposed to apply here is how to stay clear. Keeping a firm perspective using logic while allowing myself to feel my emotions. I’m high key proud of me! I mean I still might get hurt messing with this, but at the same time, I’m CLEAR enough to acknowledge that lol. So it won’t come left field.
How to stay clear is by learning the difference between a direct yes and an indirect no. Whether or not they mean yes, if they don’t consent directly, it is a no. Just throw it in the pile of indirect no’s until you can move it to a direct yes. Do not pass go, don’t collect $200. Just stay right where you are or end the game. Pay attention to what is said/done and what is not said/done.
Also this is random, but a love hack. A person will show you how they want to be loved most times in the way that they love you. That doesn’t apply here but I just wanted to get that thought out.
Anyway, here’s to staying clear all 2021. I hope you get an “I am”.