With Love, J. Sheppard

The Long End of the Stick.

jelina sheppardComment

Love is a full time thing. 

It requires consistency, intentionality, consideration, grace, and time. It’s ever evolving and like people it has to be reevaluated as it grows with the relationship. I think this applies to all aspects of relationships. Intimate ones but friendships too. 20 year old me is nothing like 28 year old me… 30 year old me will be different from who I am now and of course as I evolve, so will my desires. 

If you have a partner that just gets it… or they inherently understand evolution and truly values and embraces change, then you won’t have to verbally express the need for evaluations… they’ll adapt with the flow. Those people are rare though. Honestly, I thought I was the easily adapt and flow with change type that just gets it but… I might not be as open to change as I’d like to be. It’s something I’ll always have to work at because when I find something I like, I want it to stay exactly how I like it. Don’t do anything different. When I want something different, I’ll be different… 

However, everything changes and nothing is ever the way it was but it will always be the way it is. For most relation-ers (yeah I made it up just go with it), you have to “check in”. Or wait, let me go back a little. 

Do you think a person should appreciate the love you give them or do they have a say in how you love them? 

That’s the question of the day. Do you get to request the ways in which I love you or should you just be grateful that I do? Is it selfish to want to be treated in a particular way? Or is it a life hack on how to ensure all parties are getting the long end of the stick? 

Either way…. I think it can only help to ask your lover or friends how they want to be loved at that point of your relationship. I think it’s healthy to check in and see how they feel about how you’ve handled them lately and what improvements can be made if any at all… but you’re probably killing the love thing and no changes are needed (smug sarcasm). I think it’s also healthy to approach that conversation with GRACE. That’s not a dialogue you have unless you truly desire to enhance the happiness of the friend you’re in relationship with. It’s also not a conversation you initiate with YOU in mind. That’s the beautiful thing about real love, you can’t manipulate it. You can’t initiate this conversation trying to force a fake mutual gain. You have to have this conversation because it’s on your vision board to be the best friend or lover you can be. It’s just who you are… it’s connected to your level of innate greatness but that’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. 

If it’s in your heart to love better, to be a better friend, partner, parent, or whatever, take some selfless time to evaluate how the recipients of your awesomeness would like to be loved, handled, and communicated with. It goes beyond the love language test, because let’s be real, your love language is not just one preference. It’s a conglomeration of needs with one aspect holding higher value, but the other languages are not to be neglected in order for us to feel complete in love. 

Be Great in all that you do… when you get tired learn to rest and not quit, and when you become complacent, reevaluate. Always extend grace… to yourself and to the ones who make efforts to get it right.