With Love, J. Sheppard


jelina sheppardComment

I met this guy, you know... and he reminds me of you. Rather the you I would’ve gotten to know if you were available. Not gonna categorize it because was there any part of you that was available? I think I would’ve settled for that... or did I settle on it? (Nostalgic Colours). 

Either way... I think I’ve met two different versions of you. Each guy a little more positive than the last but it’s never quite you... the real you. I don’t go looking for you but every time I come across a reminder, there’s this doggy, ear-perk-like experience with my heart. As if Scooby Doo oorgh???? And I get uncomfortable because I don’t want you, but the fact there’s this interest anytime I come across “you”, makes me think there’s still pieces of you left in me... residue. 

Anyway. I met this guy. He has hidden art on the place I love so much... made me think of layers. We have layers.... really cool people. Mysteries, a story, depth. He could fit you know. I always wonder what you’re like on the other side of “unavailable” and sometimes I think God tries to answer my questions with these people.... he even stays where you stayed. Imagine the discomfort and nostalgia. Lol, I can’t wrap my heart around it. He even loves Jesus!!!!! He has one up on you... I don’t have to listen to that “god and energy talk.... he’s narrowed it down to Jesus... (but somehow, and I know God is behind the disconnect, but somehow I’d still rather listen to your god and energy talk. You give me something to believe for in my prayers. I still think you’re a walking miracle. Not to say you don’t believe in Jesus… just the details with you, didn’t matter to me, but maybe they should’ve.)

I was just a kid when Usher said “you remind me of a girl that I once knew” and the older I get, the more it makes sense. I get it. Not being able to be with someone that constantly reminds you what you could’ve had with someone else... I worry I’ll never be able to fully enjoy what he has to offer. How is it that a pure and available version of you still can’t compete with the asshole you? Jigsaw pieces that don’t fit.