With Love, J. Sheppard

not in my right mind.

jelina sheppardComment

I think sometimes you know when you’re not in your right mind. When you’re in tune, you just know. You know because some of the thoughts you think are creatively outlandish. You know you’re out of it when you start feeling things like, I can do more than what I see around me. When you adopt the thought of “I don’t live under the same restrictions everyone else does”…. Better yet when you make a decision to not live under the same restrictions everyone else does. 

Is this it? Is this the beginning of me losing my mind?

Is there a brain tumor pressing against my cranium impacting the portion that controls my decisions? Shoutout to Shepherd in Seattle Washington.

jump. Jump. JUMP. If I could accurately describe it, I’m on the edge of a building looking down… it’s a long way down and at the bottom could very well be a death, worst case scenario. But! What if I jump and we fly? Best case scenario. I did the calculations and the probability of landing somewhere in between are pretty high…. So reasoning says go for it. 

Can I tell you I’m not concerned about dying. I mean, if I die I die… somehow the possibility of flying makes taking the jump seem worth it. Actually, I am scared to die but… in the end I’ll always have a home so, if I die at least I can say I was trusting the whole way through. Not halfway either… anyone that knows me knows, if I’m going to do something, why not go all out. If I’m going to exhaust myself in trusting, trust all the way. 

If I’m unhappy, I have the right to do whatever to be happy…. Understanding that I need to be realistic as well. And I think I am. I’m on the edge.

I’m not in my right mind. I’m scared. I’m risking. I’m ready to trust because I’m tired of doing it on my own. Spinning and I think I’m losing it… somehow it feels…. right. 

“Damn J, you’re losing your fucking mind…” 

Possibly, but it’s exhilarating. I am crazy. I’ve heard it before and maybe those people were right. Crazy enough to think I don’t have to live fearfully like most. I got more than enough time to get back under societal control. For now, let’s just see where He takes us. 

I’m not in my right mind…