With Love, J. Sheppard

It's Not Going to Make Him Want You....

jelina sheppardComment

I stood in my closet and all of my clothes began talking to me. “Try me!” “You haven’t worn me in a minute” “He’s never seen me before” and after multiple trips to see what would be best, my mirror came strong and subtle.

“It doesn’t matter what you wear, it’s not going to make him want you”.

Isn’t that something? Your mirror is perhaps the most honest thing in your house and in my house, it isn’t just some ten dollar, dorm style, Walmart mirror. Like every other relationship in my life, I’ve invested in it. I wanted something that would reflect all of me…. And unlike the relationships I’ve ended, this one is made for all of me, both the good and bad.

When I heard it, “it doesn’t matter what you wear… it’s not going to make him want you”, I thought it’s the truth. It didn’t shake me initially…. It was a hard pill to swallow but I didn’t realize how hard it hit until 2 hours later while I was standing in my closet still trying to find something to wear that screamed “I’m a great choice and too good for your stupid ass”. (I’m not that vain but when you’re afflicted… you feel the need to put your best foot forward so the affliction isn’t so noticeable.)

Anyway. In my closet for the 50th time in three hours, it hit. Anxiety… attacked. I was calmly flustered and quietly crying. Truth be told, everything I tried on would’ve worked but nothing seemed to be good enough in the mirror. The betrayal lol. The hurt, the bruised feelings, the time wasted in creating something that was “right” only to end up with it not working… I’m still talking about the outfit, but relationships as well.

It wasn’t about us not working out or the other girl he swears wasn’t a factor but it is about how I was handled and it has everything to do with what he represents. It’s always about that and that’s what stings. How you’re handled and what it means. The way I was handled is irrelevant detail wise. All you need to know is that it was VERYYYYYYYYY disheartening and I felt he handled me as if I was common. In regards to what it means? It means he’s not it and for the tired heart, that fact is always disappointing. Not only is he not it, you’re back at square one and have to start over the process of building “the one”. Not building the one as in the right person, but the one as in building the relationship with the right one. Dating at 26 is draining.

So…. Yeah. I’m back. “Overcoming My Breakup”…

I released a new book. Grab your copy if you haven’t already. *Face palm*