With Love, J. Sheppard

Moving On. Moving Forward. Residue.

jelina sheppardComment

He knew I was upset, and maybe he just assumed I was upset with him… which wasn't true. I was upset with myself honestly. Mad because I wasn’t over him and it showed. You know when you spend time working on something and it doesn’t yield the outcome you thought it would, you get a little tight. I thought I was really doing the work. Does it not count if it’s not what you want to do? Like, blocking numbers, deleting text threads, not entertaining BS conversations, and anything else that falls under “moving on”….

Do those things not yield the desired result of moving on if in your heart initially, that was never what you wanted to do?

You’ve seen it happen so many times. You know people that go months without talking to someone and then out of the blue, they run into them or have a conversation and they’re forced to see that there is still something there. I call it residue. So again, does the work you’ve invested not yield the desired result of moving on if it was never your decision to do so? 

I’m convinced (because I’ve experienced it enough for myself to know how it works for me), if you don’t want to move on, taking the necessary steps to do so, is not going to put you where you want to be. You’ll be moving but “on” is not where you’ll end up. It’ll be more like move to the left, move to the right, move diagonally, heck maybe even move forward. But, forward and on, I’m learning are two different locations. 

You can move forward to a new person, but still be entertaining your “ex” in the most simplest ways… but when you’ve moved on, there’s no reason to entertain them. You’re not having those conversations filled with emotional psychodrama. (Yes, I used it figuratively. You know those conversations, the ones that are filled with emotions, you might seem a little psycho, and before you know it, you two are going back and forth creating drama.)

 I’ve moved on from people and literally, we don’t talk. If we do, it’s brief and random. So… a lot of people move forward. Forward from what happened, but

When you go forward it leaves a path you can always go back to.

I think that was the break through line I was hoping would come as I wrote this. We move forward but have you ever noticed how we’re still able to revisit some old situations and wounds when triggered by something? 

Moving on is different. It’s not a direction… maybe it’s more so a state of being. When you move on, what’s the other way you can go? Off? Yeah I’ve tried that too, but it usually doesn’t end well. If you’re going off that means you still care, which means you haven’t moved on. So. Yeah.

Does the work you’ve invested not yield the desired result of moving on if within your heart it was never your decision to do so?