With Love, J. Sheppard


jelina sheppardComment

“I think that’s the thing, I don’t want to have to wait on a man”. That’s a strong thought in my mind today. I’m at this place…. an agitated one at that. We, women, are always waiting on a man. Waiting for them to love us, waiting for them to have time, waiting for them to truly “listen” to us, waiting for them to follow through, waiting, waiting, waiting.

I’ve invested my time in waiting… I’m starting to think all you can do with a man is wait. (I’m being cynical this morning, let me have my moment of fear). But no seriously, I took a step back and saw that we are all waiting. Some of us are waiting productively, while others are waiting stifled. I’ve found myself on both ends of the spectrum at different times.

As I analyzed different relationships of mine, even spiritually, I’m waiting. Waiting for God with so many different things and I’m now agitated as I wait. Is there anything else I can do besides wait on a male-related person? It’s inevitable. I’m starting to think God was strategic in creating women, and it’s an unspoken commandment: Thou woman shall wait on man. I’m not knocking it, just ugh. A sister is tired of waiting on a man.


I’ve waited so much and waited very well that I understand I don’t want to wait any longer. She, her, I am tired. "I want what I want when I want it”. It sounds bad, but at the heart of the statement are good and watered seeds. I have labored and gone without long enough that I now want the seeds I’ve planted to harvest.

"I want what I want, when I want it." 

I think I deserve that. Not in a self-centered way, but in an “I’m a good investment” kind of way.

So with you, I found myself waiting. Unintentionally but yet again waiting. Anxiety is high. Are you worth the wait? Do I even wanna wait? Why am I waiting?

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Before you get mad or upset about something, you usually have a moment of fear and when you become frightened, you get upset as a reaction because you don't want to be scared and that’s what this agitation is, fear.

My tribe knows more than I do, and it’s almost like the proposal you suspect is coming from your man but you have no clue when he’s going to execute. You haven’t even stepped to me yet and you’re already getting on my nerves without trying. You know what that’s called?


You have real potential and I’m trying to brace myself. I’m agitated. Waiting is for the birds and it’s looking like I’m an eagle, smh.