With Love, J. Sheppard

The Dedication...

jelina sheppardComment

The blueprint in my insecurity (and no not my opinion but insecurity), was a luxury… one that I was unable then and still don’t think I could afford now… in the best and amazing way, he's very expensive... perhaps that explains why I'm still to this day mesmerized by our experience. While experiencing him on the surface I think is one every woman would want to have, I can’t predict how much debt I’d occur trying to keep up with the emotional, physical, and spiritual maintenance of our relationship. I could expound right there but I won’t, however I will say everything that's a luxury isn't always something you need... normally it's just a want. 

My roadmap was an expense I could afford to take… still costly but not outside my tax bracket. I could maintain the real lifestyle I was aspiring to live and keep up with our relationship. If I managed us correctly, I might would’ve been able to save a little as well… you know grow, expand, accumulate some self-wealth.

In retrospect, the roadmap was more than good enough initially but somewhere down the line, decided he couldn’t see my worth which in turn made me question if I was too good for him.

Outside of my insecurity and fear, the blueprint wouldn’t have been too good for me, just different. The only life I could imagine us having was one outside of convention… while it could've worked, would it have appealed to the woman I’ll be in ten years? I can’t say. It would work and appeal to a woman that was accepting but would that woman be who I was destined to become? Would it even appease the woman I would consider settling to become just to have him? Different isn’t always bad, but it's not necessarily satisfying. It’s a lot that goes into these two beautiful men… and beautiful is what I’ve created by knowing them.

Overcoming a Breakup in 2018.