With Love, J. Sheppard

Nostaligia....(The Blueprint)

jelina sheppardComment

The Blueprint…

Every project has an inspiration and you were mine. You weren’t the fulfillment, but the idea of “Overcoming a Breakup” nonetheless started with you. Today… for whatever and gawd awful reason, I miss you…. Okay, it’s not God awful, but uncomfortable because I know I shouldn’t but back to the purpose… I miss you… so that’s that and by now, you’re smiling in surprise that I actually admitted my truth.

You would ask me to say what’s real and then when I did, you were always shocked I had the boldness to say what the average woman wouldn’t and what you wanted to say aloud in your head. “Closed mouths don’t get fed” is the notion we understood and I think my boldness, wit, playful attitude, sarcasm and charm were what made you fond. I could be a piece of myself with you and while I’m sure I could’ve been all of me, only a piece is what I was willing to and could give.

That’s the thing, you appealed to a particular piece of me. The selfish piece…. The neglected piece of me that needed to be all about me and because you accepted that piece, I think it persuaded me to be all for you and sometimes I miss that… being all for you.

The creative piece, the honest piece, the conversational and communicative piece, the intellectual piece, the mental stimulation piece, the shallow but depth piece, the be easy “life has a way of working itself out” piece… some of my best peace…. I felt when around you and right now,

I miss that… being around you.

You aren’t the best person but I think you were the best person you could freely be and that’s what I enjoyed… the best you. I don’t know if that was the real you but it was an honest you and if you’re honest, then you’re real… so in a way, I know the real you….

I was that peace for you, the place you could be yourself with no objections because it was what it was but I wish I could’ve been your conviction. Your conviction is what you’ve outwardly committed to, but that’s a whole other bag of burritos under the hood….