With Love, J. Sheppard

God, I Miss Having SEX.

jelina sheppard3 Comments

Let's talk about sex. 

I miss it. Sometimes I can't remember how much I actually enjoy it, but I'm so happy I made the decision to wait. I've been dating and getting to know people since my last breakup. It hasn't been easy but without sex on the table, I date smarter. My vision is more clear when it comes to the person I'm getting to know. Don't get me wrong now, sometimes it's still unclear but it's not unclear to the point that I'd stay or entertain something unhealthy because of the dickmatization that comes with knowing a sexually skilled individual.  

I date smarter.

That's a huge advantage of waiting to have sex. Now, is it my goal to wait until marriage? God yes. I'm focused on meeting a partner that will at least respect and actively support my desire. Will I and we be able to maintain, I believe it's possible if we both want it. Spiritually, I think everyone should wait until marriage. Physically, not everyone is committed to that. I don't want to be the type of person that tells you you have to do something. I can only advise and speak on what I believe to be best for you and me too. The decision is ultimately yours.

When I took sex off the table, a lot of guys didn't make it 21 days. I have a rule that if he's consistent with me for at least 21 days, only then would I even make an effort to consider him a candidate for my life. With me, they go in knowing sex is a nonnegotiable. It's a no go. The ones that think they want me won't push the subject, but after a certain amount of time, if they really want me for my body will fall off the consistency wagon because they're not getting any. Now, not all of them fall off because of my no sex policy, sometimes we try to get to know each other and it's just not there for us. However, those individuals are intentional about consistently getting to know me. That's the beauty of no sex, you can make a sound decision about whether or not this person's lifestyle and characteristics vibe well with your own. You can really get to know the person and not the body. Our bodies do well with other bodies, but our souls, minds, and hearts don't always click.

Taking sex out the equation only makes getting to the solution so much easier. When you put sex in a relationship, sometimes you have to go through a lot of extra steps when it comes to determining if they're the person you should spend the rest of your life with. I can now determine in 3 months what used to take me anywhere from 10 months to 5 years. (I know right, and I'm only 25. Smh) I stopped sleeping with these men and realize that some of them only had a few inches to bring to the table. I realized that maybe I only had a few glasses of water at the time to bring as well. 

At this point I bring a whole lot... mostly good too, but that's neither here nor there. What I'm saying is... sex should be THEE last thing you add to a relationship. The very last thing. Some women do the 90 day rule, I'm telling you that's too soon. Rome wasn't built in a day and a healthy, exciting, and lasting relationship won't be either. You also don't want to build your relationship around 30 minutes of feel good pleasure... if you're lucky. I've been extremely and ABUNDANTLY lucky, but at 25 I'm looking for God's exceeding blessings.

When you're tired of going through the same cycles in relationships, you'll lean toward doing something new. You can't get something established by doing what you've always done, if what you've always done has yielded nothing to last.