With Love, J. Sheppard

Mr. Big

jelina sheppardComment

You know what’s better than being married? Being loved.                                   And if you’re truly blessed, you get to be both the way you desire. 

Sometimes, he still gets in my head. I don’t know if it’s possible to be in love with two different people in regards to Big and the man God has ordained to love me, or if they’re both one in the same until God differentiates. Even still, let’s address Mr. Big. It’s no secret I’m very Carrie Bradshaw by characteristic traits. Now, I enjoy the show but before I even knew what Sex In The City was, I was living out my own carrie moments in retrospect. 

Mr. Big is a man that you enjoy. He’s charismatic in a way that charms you. He’s emotionally unavailable even though against his will, you’ve found your way into his heart. You’re a weak spot for him and vice versa. You’re on and off because you two can’t get it together. You’re pushy and he’s un-submissive to your emotions. Mr. Big can’t handle (in this particular stage of your relationship) making a big commitment. He’s done it before, maybe several times, and his previous failures are the barriers he sees when it comes to letting his inhibitions go for you. So, when it feels real he runs. 


“If you’re tired you take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa.”


Napa’s where he goes when it gets to be too much. But enough about Mr. Big… you’ve already imagined him in your head and I don’t want to throw salt on stressful and open wounds. Most people say “leave, you can do better, God will send something better… blahhh”. 

Listen to them. They are logically right. You should let Big go and find someone else. However, it is a process that you won’t be able to avoid because all relationships have to run their course. I’m a firm believer what is supposed to happen will happen. When you’ve exhausted all your options and you finally see logically, then you will make the choice I made.  

BUT, because you’re not there yet, let me give you a strategy I didn’t consider when exhausting my options last year.  For the Misses Big and the Mr. Big, because this personality isn’t limited to men, if they’re what you want and you’re willing to compromise then try this. 

Set relationship goals. Remember, these type lovers don’t do well with long term lingo. You have to be strategic and plan in a way that could potentially get you both what you want. If you’re willing to compromise, focus on the short term goals. Everyday should be the goal of making that day the best day possible. Literally take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. That’s the starting point. “Babe, let’s just be together for today. If we make it through today, then cool. Let’s try again tomorrow”. Don’t focus so much on having a set itinerary in motion that you forget to enjoy the freeness and spontaneity that love gives.  

The key is, acting out your long term plans but presenting your desire in a way that’s desirable to Big. Granted, this will only work if Big is willing to try. Really that’s all you can get them to do is try. You can’t put locked in stipulations on them. They have to initiate and bring that to you. Your objective? Make the moments you have with them unforgettable so they want and become open to more. Eventually what will happen, you’ll be in a committed relationship and will have shifted the focus from the title to the relationship itself if that makes sense. Again, you have to already have a place in Big’s heart. He or She has to in their heart want to be with you. This method is to help them get out of their way so they can get to you. Literally, take it one day at a time. The more you do this, eventually Big’s mindset will become conditioned to taking it one week at a time, to one month, to one year, to ok, lets just do it. 

Mr. Big: Would you want to get married? 

Carrie Bradshaw: Well, I didn't, didn't think that was an option. 

Mr. Big: What if it was an option? 

Carrie Bradshaw: Why? What? Do you want to get married? 

Mr. Big: I wouldn't mind being married to you. Would you mind being married to me? 

Carrie Bradshaw: No, no, not, not if that's what you wanted. I mean, is, is that what you want? 

Mr. Big: I want you. So, ok. 

Carrie Bradshaw: So really, we're, we're getting married? 

Mr. Big: We're getting married. Should we get you a diamond? 

Carrie Bradshaw: No. No. Just get me a really big closet.