When we aren’t together, and you randomly check in to tell me you love me, I can’t help but wonder is it because you do or did you just finish cheating on me… again?
Not that you don’t love me, because I hope that you do. But… I can’t seem to be sure. Then I try to comb through all the ways that you do show your love for me… and then…somehow I feel I come up short.
The love is strong verbally… affirmations, check ins, minute daily consistencies large enough to penetrate a heart but not enough to break a wall. Sporadic investments and acts of kindness warm me up to the idea of being loved, but they don’t exactly drive me “home”.
I love the things you say and the actions you do, but if something happens that interferes with those daily conversational affirmations, what am I left to go off of? What else staples your love for me even if you miss a few days of good morning texts? Because when you do, I don’t know. I have to convince me because I thought you were loving me good, but i need you to go harder.
It seems like a small ask, but I know it requires a lot… and I don’t know if I can articulate what that looks like, what it feels like, or if what it requires now is what it will require months from now… but I do know a more convincing sign is in your willingness and follow through to try.
Damn… I thought you were loving me good but please love me harder.