I’ve been watching The Traveler’s Wife on HBO and it has been a completely eye opening experience. Very introspective. The show is great but the nuggets are tastier.
When we met new people, the greatest investment you can give yourself is to date on the offense. Thanks CC for the lesson. I say it’s a self investment because every time we show up offering our best selves with open hands, hearts, and minds, we receive and learn something that I truly believe will be useful in the later relationships or versions of love we’ll experience. My sister once told me she was worried I’d continue giving these men these really beautiful pieces of me and that she just didn’t want me to end up depleted. I mean her concerns were within reasons. I was out here “giving you the best that I got baby.” (Sing Nita).
But… I told her I wasn’t worried because I’ll never be empty. I’ll never be at the end of myself. I give from a source that never runs dry. I believe Jesus has placed his heart in mine and I’ll never run out of love and new/beautiful things to give. And so far that’s run true. But enough about love and back to the offense. Showing up my best self and being open to learning new things is only an investment becoming a better lover for the one that matters. Letting a man inspire me to learn new things will never be a waste.
Today, I made french toast. Not because I love this man, but because I love my son. He deserves good memories and acts of love. Plus, who knows the man I marry might like French toast too… and although the current man likes it, learning how to love him in the grand scheme of things is really just learning and preparing to love the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with. You need the practice. I don’t like French toast but I like him… so I learned to do something he likes.
That’s a takeaway from the time traveler’s wife. The time traveler said that’s what marriage is. Grooming yourself to be what the other needs. I’ve never been married but it makes a lot of sense to me. Not so much changing who you are at your core, but doing things and offering the type of love the other likes… and of course you go for the person who aligns with what you don’t mind giving. (I suppose… again never been married or even close for that matter. I mean there was that one time at twenty but… never mind. It doesn’t count).
I like this man enough… but I love the man I’ll one day marry more and because I love him, I’ll learn what the current wave of hope desires. My learning to make French toast is not about me loving the man I’m seeing. It’s an investment for my future love. Whomever that may be. If it’s this man, okay cool… and if it’s not, okay whew. Lol there is someone that will be worth the growth.