“When I don’t pay attention to my feelings, I tend to put up with situations and people longer than I should…”
Honestly, I feel like internally I’ve been taking a lot of jabs. It’s like the accountability and self-awareness won’t let up. My head starting to hurt, my stomach in knots and I’m feeling super nervous?? I haven’t eaten yet either so… maybe that’s it and also Whitney is over here screaming about good love and I just had to turn her down because…. A lot? But I’m at a sensory overload.
I love that I get to see me and grow and mature, but I want a breakkkkkkuhhhh. I just want to lay down and take a nap because I’m now becoming emotional and that’s something I don’t do often… “emotions”. Maybe my period is about come on?
Me to Me: Alright J, get to the point. You doing a lot of rambling. The avoidance is draining you.
When I don’t pay attention to my feelings… when I neglect my feelings, I lead myself to entertaining situations and people longer than I should. It’s taking me some time to really empty the clip today because I’m unsure what the end of this post will result in. I went in for a self-awareness check-up and I thought after unloading yesterday, I’d be okay. I didn’t realize my follow up appointment would be so soon. I guess Jesus figured, if you not gone fast (including social media) then I’ma check you every day with these postings. You’re not gonna get around me developing you. So… day 2.
I’ve always been taught to first assess my hand in anything playing out the way it does. When the milk becomes spoiled, what did I do to spoil it? Did I waste it? Not savor it while I could? Leave it sitting out on the counter? Spoiled milk doesn’t make for a tasteful expresso… or experience. I considered what I could have done to encourage certain behaviors and somehow found a way to repent for my actions. I had some underlying things that needed to be checked… and have been checked. Howeverrrrr, my acceptance of others actions doesn’t and perhaps should not result in me leaving my feelings without consideration. Because her(t) feelings matter too.
Current situation, past situations, future situation…. I tend to try and understand where the other person is coming from… but maybe I should balance that empathy and always choose empathy for myself first because the reciprocity is missing. (If I’m taking inventory and can pinpoint what’s missing, that’s it.) I don’t have to overextend. Whether that is myself, grace, understanding, or forgiveness. I can let it be and remove myself from the connection. It really isn’t fair to me if I choose to understand your side and nurture your reasoning, however valid or invalid it may have been, and the same thing isn’t given back to me. People get to make decisions they feel are best for them and you have to honor that, even if their decision wounds you in the process… but if the decision results in you and your feelings not being considered then it is still your responsibility to consider you and then counteract their decision with one that is best for you. It will probably not be what you want or a decision you want to make, but it is the best for you.
It is always your responsibility to consider you, nurture you, care for you, respond to you. We get, or let me not put that on yall, I get bothered when people I’ve given a level of care for don’t value me. But that is not their responsibility. Affection is felt best when it is not managed or forced. I really can’t be upset that I didn’t get consideration, I can however adjust and act accordingly. It is my responsibility to consider myself and my feelings.
I don’t even think I can get through the rest of this unpacking because I’m really exhausted now. I’m sorry if it’s poorly written… whatever this is, it’s requiring a lot. Key takeaway: consideration and valuing of you is always your responsibility before it becomes someone else’s. You have to decide what’s best for you as they decide what’s best for themselves. You will always be your number one responsibility.
Honestly. Now I’m bout over it lmao. Dang I feel like I was beating a dead horse. Just gotta make sure it’s dead. Whew. I was bout worried. That second wind came just in time.