Abomination
Lil Nas X….. initially I was infuriated by his action against Jesus… but now that I’ve gotten over my fear (don’t worry I’ll expound in a sec), my compassion has set in. His latest message is abominable but this morning I felt a strong urge to pray for him, like intercede. He’s hurt. There is no excuse for his actions but at the center of him seemingly selling his soul, it’s because somewhere down the line someone convinced him Jesus couldn’t possibly care for him because of his sexual orientation. Someone convinced him hell was where he already was so why not just go with gasoline drawers on? He was wounded and without proper love and instruction, he has hardened his heart toward the love of Christ. If I could talk to Nas, I’d tell him that he deserved to be loved better and that God’s love for him will never end even with this major sin he’s carrying (blasphemy). I would explain to him how his decisions are unacceptable but even with them, it doesn’t separate him of God’s love and that redemption is possible for his soul. Satan can’t have something God has already paid for. Jesus’s blood can cover this entire ordeal. I believe Nas’s desire to love men could have been fed differently. Instead of casting it down, maybe it would have worked better to teach him how to fight it. Just before we cast him away and consider him lost, did we as a body do everything we could to help him? If we did then okay whatever happens, happens. I’m irate with Nas X but even after my anger settled, I still just want to pray for him because this is a chance for God to perform a miracle. That’s where my view is… It’s a real-life example that Jesus will always win, one way or another. He will either win you over or win you under, you really have to decide. You will follow Jesus or… go to hell, but either way, Victory will be his. I don’t consider it to be an enjoyable victory either when he sends people to hell, but victory is victory, nonetheless. Lil Nas X deserves relentless prayer because God can do anything, and I want to see him saved. It’s not our job as Christians to judge people and predict their ending… it’s our job to represent Christ through our actions, starting with love. I’m guilty of this but the rebuke I got was don’t condemn him if you haven’t prayed for him… and even then, condemnation is not mine to give, love is.
Fear
Fear produces anger… the example given is when you’re driving and someone merges in your lane, you get mad and if you’re like me, you might grit your teeth to try and hold back the “Wtf is you doing?!” But that rage isn’t the first thing you feel. It’s fear of them almost hitting you without warning and a potential threat of danger. I was angry last week. I started out patient and trying to talk my kid through a process. After the first hour, I looked at him and was triggered. I got scared and I didn’t have my best parenting moment. Anyway, it led to me storming out and taking a moment to cry it out. I felt like crap and was depressed for a couple of days, I’m not gonna hold you. I was so afraid, and the trigger tapped into an insecurity that I haven’t fully overcome. After letting my fear get the best of me, I wanted to hide. No one knew or even knows, but I didn’t want to show my face even though I knew people couldn’t see what I was internalizing. Fear produces a lot of things. When you get angry, try to identify what you’re afraid of because that anger is a result of something that has caused you to fear what’s happening or could potentially be happening. Get to the root and you’ll manage your emotions and situation better.
In regards to fear and anger with Lil Nas, the bible warns us of types of behaviors in the bible in relation to his coming back. The fear was crap, it’s happening which means Jesus is coming soon. He’s sending heavy signs and there’s always this concern that I might not make it… that I might be in a moment of weakness and that’s when he’s gonna bust through the door looking for me… what will I really be doing? So FAR I might be okay but sometimes, I really wonder. Heaven isn’t guaranteed is it? Even when you operate so heavily in His principles, there’s a chance that He could still front on you and be like “nah, baby I don’t know her” DESPITE all the coloring (knowing) we’ve shared. It’s a wild concept. (Now, Jesus is not going to be like that for real, but still… imagine thinking you “know” God in terms of how you live and he don’t know you…. KNOW ME JESUSSSSSS. LOL. I JUST WANNA BE KNOWN. PUT ME DOWN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE PULEEEEEEESE.)
Coloring
I miss sex… might be the weather changing but it’s heavy. The bees are doing it… it’s a lot of pollenating going on…(even though bee sex is not the cause of pollen lol) I’m just saying I wanna do it too. I miss it… and while this is inappropriate and not relative to the top two thoughts, it’s a thought today. Anyway, I thought about the ones I pretended to run from or push back to enhance the experience. Smh, Niggas didn’t deserve me.
You are allowed to crucify me, but pray for me first.