Life is sometimes unkind with its transitions. Things can be here today and gone tomorrow. One month you can be headed in a direction and then the next, God has you headed somewhere else. I really pray He gives you the ability to step outside of yourself and see... maybe not always the bigger picture but at least a positive perspective.
That’s the word of today. Perspective. Things change, people reveal and sometimes you think they’ve changed when really they’ve finally become comfortable enough to be themselves. You have to be warm enough to allow people that grace...The grace to be themselves no matter how disappointing it may become to you. The lesson I spent 28 learning and 29 now putting into practice is to also extend yourself the same grace. You get to be who you are unapologetically and hand that same disappointment to those who want you to become something you simply cannot.
Not disappointing as in “they were trash” but disappointing as in I can’t be who or what you require. You don’t have to settle for something that’s not what you want because you like a person and don’t want to hurt them... because you’ll only end up hurting yourself. A relationship is over when there is no compromise or like my pastor said today, when there are two different cultures. When it’s right or when the relationship is the priority (mindset culture), all parties will adjust as needed to sustain the relationship while mutually benefiting from the adjustment. Like shifting in space could allow more room for you both to fit comfortably.
But I wasn’t willing to settle and he wasn’t willing to uproot. The cultures didn’t match and honest to God I knew it. It was like a size 7 on a 8 size foot. After confirmation after confirmation I knew marriage wasn’t on the table anymore for me and it took me some time to take the ring off. It looked nice on my finger. I embraced the thought of intentionality and purpose even though purposes (cultures) weren’t aligned. The thing about “will” is if you’re gonna “be” in the will you gotta “stay” in the will and that requires you adjusting and sacrificing. Our wills were different. To be in his, I’d have to adjust and go without but to stay in God’s I have to always allow him to orchestrate and go with his flow... even when it’s rocky. His transitions can seem unkind but in the end it’s all for our good... where everyone can benefit.
Mutual understandings and adult endings can be kind. They suck though as most endings do, but still can be kind in the way that leaves no malice. Jumping back to “perspective”, I could see it from a place of lack and be devastated or I could see it from a place of opportunity and promise and find relief. I think I’d hate God if past situations were where he left me. Because like whew, the ghetto. Would not recommend. 2 out of 5 stars and I give it 2 because the coloring was usually colorful. Kanye Shrug. However, my perspective this time is the same... I would’ve been worried if this was as good of a thing that God could create. But now that He changed my direction, I’m hopeful and excited, but also anxious and sad to be transitioning... all of which I think are valid. Transitions are a potential chance to have more.
Perspective is a beautiful and healing gift. It’s like the neosporin you put on a wound. You heal differently.
With Love, J. Sheppard