With Love, J. Sheppard

"It's Gone Pop"

jelina sheppardComment

Let’s see, we’re a few days into 26 and its beating my natural brown OKAY I’M BACK. 26 and you realize you’re on the other side of 30. 26 and you’re straining your eyes to identify how little time you have left in that hour glass. 26 and I’m not where I want to be.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, “you have so much time” and “you’re only 26”. The people that use that last line with me… I typically feel a strong not so nice word rise up in my flesh and when I say strong, I mean strong. It’s like, the people that are comfortable with that “you’re only such and such” don’t remember what it was like to be “such and such” and how stressed out you are when you’re such and such. When it comes to relationships and marriage, yeah, I wholeheartedly believe “you’re only….” and “you have so much time”. However, career and dream wise…. Yeah, yall can kiss my forehead with that.

“You have so much time” to do what? Struggle? Stress about bills? Work in an environment that isn’t what makes you happy? [Happiness]… is that one of those things we shouldn’t strive to have? Is adulting still that time of your life where you disregard happiness because stability and security are over valued and projected to give you the “life you’ve dreamed of”? My dreams include all those things, but my dreams include me doing what I love and what I’m passionate about even when I don’t enjoy it. Or am I now too old to be dreaming?

My fourth day of being 26 and I’m stressed the hell out. I’m agitated, I’m responsible, I’m intentional, and I’m routined. I’m struggling in more ways than one… today it’s about career. It’s like, there was a period where you hardly saw anyone on the scene, and so I put my two scents in. I’ve been putting in the work, (although not as much as I probably could despite the amount I have), and I’ve rebranded, rebooted, and revamped this thing. I’ve made some important strides and while I know it’s not going to happen overnight, just how many nights are we talking? (I’m committed, but I’m just saying). I’m in a relatively small area, compared to the world and it’s like now everywhere I turn, I see the market growing. It’s like everyone wants to jump in my pool of Bethesda and get the same exact healing I’m trying to produce and obtain.

Now, there’s room for everyone to be “healed” and we can all have a lane. I get that and won’t for one minute think J. Sheppard coined or placed dibs on this particular area… I’m all for everyone black winning. It’s just, I want to win first. (Shrugs, judge me later).

Everyone’s a blogger now or better yet, everyone has something to say. Everyone’s a social media sensation and literally as I write out my frustrations, I’m understanding how to stay set apart. Anyone can write and even put out a book, but sustaining the career path and thriving as an author is the real challenge. If I can manage that while paving the way for my brand to evolve in the other areas J. Sheppard wants to overtake, I suppose I’ll be less bothered by others jumping on the blogger/writer/author thing. I’m not successful at it, but if I was, I wouldn’t consider anyone else.

Fear… is what happens when you’re trying to figure it out and you can’t but you look back, or around and see others coming down the tunnel you’ve dug in hopes you’ll find gold and being worried they’ll strike first. As I inhale these chicken minis from Chick-Fil-A as a means to clear my mind, I’m back.

I wish I could unplug from the social media world and focus merely on this blog. I’m distracted and this site is my safe place because here, I’m “it” and it’s all about me, however, the social aspect is how I share so it’s needed. Idk. Day 4 of Bossing 26 has been a tough one. Everyday isn’t going to be the best but, it’ll only get better I suppose. It’s been a long four years with this writing thing and one day soon a change will come.

“It’s gone pop”