With Love, J. Sheppard


jelina sheppardComment

This last guy… he wasn’t trying to be rude. He wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings. He wasn’t trying to be an asshole. He was just being casually honest. He thought I was “beautiful” and a really cool person. He didn’t want a relationship, but he did want to have a sexual encounter and was willing to commit to me sexually…. (I highly doubt it, but let’s go with it).

I thought he was attractive and maybe had more substance than I was giving him from first glance. But when he charmingly asked me “can we fuck”, it disappointed me and could still very well damage a piece of me if I let it. I’m not foolish to think I’m exempt from the fockery men give now-a-days, but I do get tired of being approached by it. I’m so ready for God to send something special that when the frogs come I’m open to seeing if they could be my prince. So, while he was trying to be nice and honest, he didn’t realize he had hurt my feelings. He didn’t realize that in that moment he made me feel very small and like I was only good for one thing… to be used. I’m not offended by him or what he wanted, I was offended by who and what he represented.

You know what I hear a lot? “Don’t be so quick to dismiss a person because they don’t come off like what you’d want”. I won’t disagree with this advice because there’s been some truth to it. However! Men these days aren’t giving us too many reasons to not be dismissive.

Dismissive because I haven’t seen anything different. Dismissive because at the age of 25, I’ve had the game ran enough to know how it starts. Dismissive because I’ve started to feel that any attractive man that’s interested in me probably just wants to screw me. Dismissive because that’s the pattern. Not that I’m surprised, I mean… I am great in bed and maybe great enough to the point my body doesn’t hide it? I don’t know…. I try to cover up and keep it for the most part loose… simple and dressed down… never dressing in the way that screams I need attention.

So, I’m dismissive because every guy I’ve come across within the last year in some shape or form has mentioned my “ass” during a conversation. Dismissive because I know what “that look” means. Dismissive because I’ve known that body language…. I’ve spoken that body language. Dismissive because I’ve studied the signs. Dismissive because no matter how much I cover up and how hard I work to be seen as a great woman, they only see a great time.

Now I’m aware that some men would love nothing more than to be good to me, I can vouch that there are great guys, but those great guys are usually missing something… stability, physical attraction, humor, ambition, consistency, or mental intellect. I’m not picky and while I do have a type, I give everyone a solid chance.

Maybe I’m dismissive because at the first sign of uncertainty, I run. Anxiety doesn’t do well with uncertainty. Maybe I’m dismissive because it’s rare to meet a person that wants the same things I want. Maybe I’m dismissive because if all men are going to play games, he’s gonna have to be HELLA amazing all around to get away with it. Maybe I’m dismissive because I’m not impressed. I’m not impressed with men these days and I’m starting to feel like they’re only good for a moment and with lifelong commitment, they’re trouble. I’m dismissive because I don’t truly want to be bothered with the BS. Dismissive because there’s more to do out here than play games and play hard to get. Dismissive because what man doesn’t elevate my self-esteem with words then damage it with actions? I love it when a man is honest with me about what it is he wants. If you wanna have sex, say that initially. I’m not there anymore so you won’t get far, but I respect you and your honesty.

Chivalry goes farther than opening my door… it’s about protection. The most unprotected person in the world is the black woman. I pay attention to how you handle me and if I ever feel un-safe, you become disqualified and that doesn’t make me dismissive.